“
Hey Human!!”
“what
is it Hunter?”
“where
are you?”
“
I’m at the river right now… I told you I wouldn’t be gone long…”
“…but
it’s dinner time – you should be here…”
“How
did you even find me so far away?”
“
oh, human, I have my ways… I’m in your head all the time… that’s what we do…”
“well,
I’ll be home shortly…”
I
had left the house only a couple of hours ago – to visit friends who were
having a celebration – not exactly a party – but close enough. I had debated about going – one more thing to
do by myself. But I knew there would be
people I knew and so it was. I met old friends and even made a new one. And it
was good to be there for them – to celebrate and give thanks.
On
the way home it dawned on me, today is the 14th- What happened to
the 12th? That day that I’m not supposed to forget? But I did – the
date didn’t tap into my awareness til today.
Have I forgotten already? How could I not remember THAT day? It’s burned into my psyche… but the day
slipped past me and I was unaware…
All
of this while I sat by the river. I
found a piece of shade and just sat – as we often did. Just watching the river float by. He loved to do this…no matter where we
were…just to sit and be. The current was a bit strong, the wind making ripples
southward, but overall calm. Two
pelicans flying by – in perfect formation – perfect wet landing. Bobbing along
together yet apart.
So
- is that what healing does? Help you forget the important stuff? Or should I say the emotional stuff? And I struggle now – is it time to let go of
some of those memories – at least on a daily basis? It’s not like my memory is wiped clean..
The hard drive is still storing all of it. But maybe I don’t need to download all of it every day…maybe I can give the computer in my brain a break now and again.
The hard drive is still storing all of it. But maybe I don’t need to download all of it every day…maybe I can give the computer in my brain a break now and again.
Maybe.
But
it is a struggle. A struggle to keep the memories fresh – and at the same time
to let go, to move on. Not to forget, as if I could. 12 months, 2 days. And
about an hour and a half.
I
still wonder what this ‘moving on’ will look like. But I think I have a shot at
it- finally retiring for the final time.
No more responsibilities – no more ‘shoulds’ – no more worrying about
others when I have not enough energy even for myself.
Well,
except for Hunter Dude,
So
next month begins a new chapter. And it
is time. Time to complete this journey
that I didn’t ask for – this journey that I never thought I would take. I was
supposed to go first, ya know.
“So
– Hunter…”
“Yes
human?”
“you
know that van that is parked outside?”
“Of
course!...”
“Well,
we will hit the road in about a month. I’m not sure where we will go, you’ll
have to help with that. But we will be on the road. The road to where I’m not
sure, but somewhere… you and me, Dude…
We’ll continue on this journey that neither of us asked for – but we
must complete anyway...”
“…OH
BOY OH BOY!!! I can hardly wait…”
“Well,
you’ll have to – wait that is – a few more days… and you HAVE TO BEHAVE!!”
“I’ll
do my best…” he says as he looks up at me with those big brown eyes, a smile on
his face, nestled under the desk as I write.
“Ok,
Dude, you got a deal!!.. start packin’!”
My
friends had something to celebrate today – and maybe someday I will as well…
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