I’m sitting on the deck – Hunter is laying in my lap, as he often does. Night is falling - and I wonder, as I often have, why we think of night as falling or day as breaking… maybe because it seems that way? Why not night creeps up on us? And day creeps up on us? Maybe that seems too weird – I don’t know…
Anyway – today has been a bitter sweet day. I resigned from my last assignment as an interim pastor before a new one was called. And today was my last Sunday. I could no longer give it my all - and I need to finish ( if as if one could ever ) – or at least attempt – my journey of grieving. And so I begin a sabbatical of healing.
I was overwhelmed by the response from the congregation - they get it. We helped each other I think, to grieve and heal after a sudden and tragic death of a loved one. And I will not say lost – as that euphemism is inappropriate – our loved ones are not lost – they did not go missing - they have died – big difference. I guess I had a bigger impact that I thought possible…but they help me too.
So some observations along the way - and I know I have a long way to go..
Over the last few months:
If I don’t reach out to others to get together – see a play – have dinner – lunch - no one does. I guess my social life is up to me entirely? For an introvert this is hard - where are all these people who claim to be my friends?
Trying to figure out my purpose in life now? I know what Glenn would say – ‘do what makes you happy.’ Well that’s great – except I don’t know what that is…… it was always about us. Well, mostly – but I always wanted his input if I went off in a different direction……and even if I went my own way anyway at least there a someone to bounce things of off….a voice of reason most times.
I can stay up as late as I want – no need to ever set the alarm………..(yeah!)
I’ve already told Hunter we will be on the road in a couple of weeks – even if I don’t know where we are going. And he is ok with that. As am I.
Time to visit friends and family scattered across the country – which means many road trips with the Dude. And I think he is ok with that too.
Relearning how to be single – again –
Learning how to fill the void – appropriately that is…….new shoes are not the answer. (as much as I hate to admit that)
Always making sure the garage door is closed -that was his job – ‘cause he always drove when we went out together. I never worried about it… not so much any more.
So the next few months will be a sabbatical of sorts – a time of relearning who I am now – trying to discern what is next – what God has in store for me……There must be some reason why I have been ‘left behind’ so to speak – we both thought I would go first….(sigh)
It certainly has been an interesting ride so far – I can’t even begin to image what comes next.
But I guess I’ll find about soon enough – starting tomorrow.
No comments:
Post a Comment