Raw - like a half-baked chicken or a bitter onion – this is supposed to get a bit easier – a bit less like a war zone – a bit less…period.
But it is not.
Floods of water cascading down my face at odd moments-ouch.
A snippet of a song…ditto.
An empty gnawing at my heart – this isn’t the way it was supposed to be…. I still can’t wrap my head around this – is this how I will feel forever? That’s a long time. And forget about walking hand in hand with Jesus along the golden cobblestones – I can’t go there - not yet. Will sadness define me for the rest of my life? I think so…but I hope not.
A workshop on self-care meant to be healing – but it is not. How can I engage in self-care when there is no self to care for? Not literally, obviously, but figuratively. My self was wrapped up in us. There is no one to hold me accountable… Hunter is good, but not that good, well except for the needed walk….
And now? Who cares if I eat my veggies – or drink enough water – or drink less – or sleep more – or exercise more – or………….
Raw – like a half-baked chicken…..ick.
Yet, in spite of all of that – it’s back to work I go……Healing? I hope so.
Comforting? Maybe. An escape from myself? Maybe. A focus on something outside of me? Yes.
So healing? I hope so.
But still – raw – like half-baked chicken. Ick.
“but you still have me...’ says the wise Dude, as he curls up at my feet under the desk.
“yes, I know, Hunter and I hope for a long time…but I also know life can change in an instant – nothing is guaranteed…”
“well, I’ll try not to do anything stupid, but you know, we think about stupid differently… what seems right to me seems stupid to you…”
“yes, I know, Dude… which is why I’m always calling you back in the house…”
“and why I always answer – and come in even when I don’t want to…”
And, yeah, I know – there should be no shoulds… but we do them anyway…”
But, yeah, raw – like half baked chicken……………….ick.
Glenn was always good about coming up with lyrics to meet the demands of the moment – and so there is this…
Barbara Mandrell (one of his favorites) ‘Sleeping Single in a Double Bed’.
Yup –pretty much sums it up…………. raw………
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