Hunter continues...

How does one process life’s tragedies, everyday events, days of unmeasurable joy or sadness? 

How does one process the physical illnesses, disabilities, dilemmas? 

How does one make sense of what life throws at us? And regardless of what your theology of God might be, life does throw a fast ball at us -  at lightning speed sometimes. Too fast to catch – not enough time to duck.

We’ve all been there.

I’ve tried to do this by writing about what is happening to me and how I have reacted to it. And I’ve been told I should share with more than what Facebook will do. And so I probably will, if I can find the discipline to do it. But in the meantime…

I know I am not alone in my feelings of grief, sadness, aloneness, fear, anger, wonder; even joy at times - and sometimes even gratitude.

The joy and gratitude have to be intentional - a pointed focus – unlike the grief that overwhelms, often at a nanosecond – without warning.

I started to write an intro to the blog that I’ve kept these 13 months – and reread what I had written.  And my heart often dropped to my knees. Tears at abeyance, but the heaviness of sadness overwhelming…

Reliving those days is not what I need right now, although I’m not sure what is needed right now.

Closure? That isn’t realistic.  I don’t think I will ever really close that chapter of my life… the book might get turned over now and then, pages splayed open,  but closed? No. It is who I am now. A Vicki without her Glenn.  Like Yogi without Boo.  

A spouse without …

But, as Hunter is so ready to tell me…

“ We have a van, now you know – MY VAN.. or so you tell me…”

“yes, Hunter, I know – and yes, we will…”

I have even purchased all the stuff that is necessary to outfit Hunter’s van….. ..so we are ready, when the time comes.  And it will.

“I’ve told you before, Human, I can still smell him, even now… a bit faint, but still there…  your Human is still with us…”

“that’s good to know, Hunter, I’m counting on you to keep reminding me…”

 “Oh, I will, don’t you worry… my nose is the best…”

“Hunter, you are so smart…”