reflections

Plane  Tree along the Canal Briere outside of Paris 

I’ve started to put my thoughts on paper several times over the past few days – and each time I walk away from the keyboard frustrated.  Nothing seems to make sense once I see the words in print.

But I’ve been thinking – and watching the world around me - and I wonder.

I hung a basket by the front door weeks ago, fully expecting to put flowers in it – but the itinerant wren had a different idea.  And so now the front door is off limits, the babies need their sleep, you know.  And Mom has to feed them in something resembling privacy. Tonight Mom was hopping all over the place, a bit of something dangling from her mouth – and I think Dad was there as well - it is Father’s Day after all.  I think the babes are well taken care of as long as I stay away. Life does march on no matter what.

And I wonder…..

The hummingbirds: Mom and Dad still come to the feeder, but never at the same time.  Glenn loved to watch them feed – and would stop whatever he was doing, especially the dishes!, to watch. Life does march on no matter what.

This afternoon I presided over communion for the camp counselors at LOMC – part of their weekly worship before plunging headlong into the weeks activities with the various campers. And I was struck by their youthful exuberance – singing, participating in the devotion, catching up with each other about who knows what. But most of all – their faces as they lined up to receive the bread and wine. Smiles – hands open in receiving – joy shining bright. They were orderly – respectful – not just of me, but the sacrament.  It was a holy moment. Life does march on no matter what.

And I wonder…

I preached this morning – and talked briefly about the ‘tsunami of grace” that God bestows (not my idea – I ‘borrowed’ it.) in this kingdom that is God’s promise. I invited the congregation to intentionally see where God was in their daily lives – in spite of how easy it is to see where we think God is not. And I struggle with this too…Are you there God? Why are you so silent sometimes?

But there is Grace – I felt it this weekend as several people came up to me, with words of grace, remembering where I was last year at this time.  I didn’t realize how hard it would be to be there at our synods annual assembly - until I got there. It was all I could do not to turn tail and go home. I’m glad I stayed, but I’m also wishing I hadn’t.  Too much raw emotion is not good for my physical body.

And I am becoming convinced that the stress of this past year is, in large part, the reason for my arthritis issues. My mobility was much better even a year ago – hips and back and knees cry out – ‘just go sit down already!’

And I listen to the news – and I wonder – is the world angry? Is nature/creation angry?  It seems so... … wild fires, volcanoes, floods, heat waves, children torn from their parents, wars raging relentlessly with no one seemingly willing to talk – and prayers don’t cut it. School shootings, the LBGTQ ‘issue’, #MeToo, the race ‘issue’ (in quotes ‘cuz it’s complicated), unethical governmental leadership….yada yada yada...

The world is angry – and I’m not sure why – nor what to do about it.

And I get angry too -  But I wonder…

Last weekend the family gathered in Wisconsin for a final goodbye (well, not really, there never is a FINAL goodbye - it’s a lifelong process.) And it was good. A chartered boat for just us – no rain – not too hot – a leisurely trip to the confluence of the Mississippi and Wisconsin Rivers.  It is what he wanted – he loved rivers – to sit beside them – to be on them in canoe or kayak or boat. To wonder – about the lives of those it feeds -where it goes – to watch the barges filled to the brim with just a single tug pushing them to their destination……. Life does march on no matter what.

And I wonder – if what family and I have done is sufficient - acceptable – sacred enough.

And I do wonder. And I reflect.  And I remember. And I try to plan for the future, whatever that might be.

“Hey Human…”….”yes Hunter?”
“You know that blue van that you said was mine?”
“yes, of course… it’s sitting the driveway…”
“Well, if it’s mine how come I’m not in it more often?”
“ well, I still have work to do, but that will end at some point...”
“And then what?”
“then we’ll hit the road and go visit people and places…”
“Soon? I want to be on the move… I’m a Border Collie, after all… we don’t like to sit still…at least not for very long…”
“I know Hunter, just as soon as we can we will be on the road – you and me in the Hunter Mobile…”
“Well, hurry up, I haven’t got all day, ya know…”
“I’m doing my best, Dude…”

And I guess that sums it up – I’m doing my best -  right wrong or indifferent – its’ the best I know how to do.

But I do wonder.