Sunday Resurrection..

It’s been one of those days. The pastors’ message at worship this morning – resurrection is now - Jesus said so – and I believe -  most of the time.

But it brought tears to my eyes – a solid lump where my heart should be………..

So … I stuffed my feelings - made pleasantries with the people – and came home.

And then there was Hunter.

“Hey Human …”
“yes, Hunter?”
“I know it is supposed to be warm today……”
“how do you know that?”
“it doesn’t matter…I just know … its’ what I do…”
“ok – so?”
“well, it seems to me that a walk in the park is a really good idea… it’s been quite awhile, you know…….”
“… well, as usual, you are right…….., so – “ok,  let’s get it together and we’ll go.”

And so after many minutes – gathering together is like corralling cats, we are ready…. Water and bowl, leash, poop bags, sheet to protect the new car seats,  AND a bag of treats to make sure Hunter stays in the back – and not in my lap.

And so we are off.  And of course once we get there Hunter is all over the place – peeing on every tree and rock – zig zaging here and there  - but that’s ok – it’s his sabbath too.

And so – we walk – and eventually then it’s time to go……….

But I’m not ready to go home – too much time indoors already – and really nothing to keep me there……and so I gas up and we head off south and west – where ever the car goes is where we go. Hunter and me.

And so we, I, drive. And he is really being good this time – but of course food helps……..
“Hunter, stay back…”
“ of course I will – with  treats to reward me….”
“ok….here.”

And as I drive, I notice signs of spring……  resurrection, right?

Children riding their bikes, people walking dogs, someone is raking leaves, an eagle gliding on the currents above me, a wet field full of seagulls? Or terns? Certainly sea birds…what are they doing here? Ducks and geese floating aimlessly on the river, and of course – surprise – the pelicans gathered together in what might be mating dances? Maybe. Fields turning green, and a hint of purple where trees are starting to bud out. Convertibles on the road, and motorcycles too.  Sunshine, of course, a lot of it, and I can take off my jacket, and open the window it’s that warm.

You can see this in your minds’ eye - I’m sure - but I can’t help thinking.  This is what WE used to do - a rambling drive on a sunny Sunday traversing the Great River Road in Illinois – going nowhere in particular… and somehow I find myself on a stretch of road I’ve not traveled before - we’ve not been here before - a new experience….

Hunter is quiet – he doesn’t know the difference… but I do. And it is rather unnerving. A new experience indeed. But in retrospect, it felt right.

I’ve been thinking a lot these days about what I should do – how to live this life that is now mime alone…my brain is like a spider web full of tempting delicacies…but either I’m not hungry enough … or I’m afraid that it won’t taste good. But fear/ anxiety sets in…. and I’m not even sure what that’s about. Except that I do. Almost 40 years of being melded with another human being… and now not. Relearning how to live takes time.   F*ck this is hard.

“ But I’m ready for adventure……….” Says Hunter

“well, that’s great Dude, where do you want to go?”

“anywhere, as long as I’m with you……………” ( cue in the smiley face with hearts!)

“Hunter, what a good boy…you are so smart.”