Closets .........................

no it really doesn't look like this!

He was following me around like a 3 o’clock shadow. Back and forth between the bedroom and the laundry room. His big brown eyes looking at me as if to say, ‘what in the world are you doing?’

“Good question, Hunter, I ask myself that often.”

Going through the closet – his side anyway – sorting through shirts and pants and jeans, dress shirts and sweaters and t-shirts - making piles - all to be washed before I gave them away.

And finally Hunter said, “you aren’t gonna give them ALL away, are you? Because if you do, it’ll be hard for even me to smell his scent. You have to leave something for  me…”

“Oh, I hadn’t thought of that – but you’re right – I should keep a few things. And there are some I’d want to keep anyway.” And so I do - for Hunter!

We are taught that when we are baptized we are clothed with Christ – and those words are repeated at funerals - and so it is.  Invisible clothing that stays with us our whole life long.  But as humans living in community with one another, we wear visible clothes. Clothes to keep us warm -  to help us stay cool – to look ‘just right’ for that special occasion - clothes for work and play.  And after a lifetime, they accumulate (all by themselves, I think… like rabbits breeding?…)  But when the body is no longer in need of them – what to do?  Give them away… to be put to good use elsewhere by someone elsewhere.

And so I did – going through the closet – remembering when and where he wore this or that – remembering gifts given.  Touching each item as I gently take  it off the hanger to be washed – then folded – then set aside.

I’m not one for sentimental attachment to things – not usually anyway. So I decided it was time.  They were doing no good just hanging there… and I had found a resource for men and women to get clothes and other necessities at no cost to them. I had wanted to find a resource for men to get business attire, clothes for interviews and that kind of thing – but it doesn’t exist – at least not around here – and so this was the next best thing… and I know he would have been ok with this – more than ok actually – glad that he could help, even with something so simple as a pair of slacks and collared shirt for a job interview.

But it is just one more chink in my armor… which isn’t very thick to begin with. And Hunter must know what’s up -  the only time he leaves my side today is for SQUIRREL.

I’ll need to continue the sorting - I just couldn’t do it all at once – but that is for another day. And it will be another day of remembering - a day of remembering a lifetime of memories stored in the fabric of his life.

So Hunter is right – I do need to keep a few things – and not just for him - but for me too - at least enough to slow down the unraveling – to slow it down, ‘til I can begin to reweave my life, using the fabric of his.  I don’t know whether his is the warp or woof – it doesn’t really matter. After 38 + years there is no way to separate the threads of his life  from mine.  Our life together was of one piece - like Jesus’ garment. But I will claim it, it’s all mine now.

And so I sort through his clothes, remembering and beginning the reweaving process.  His clothes are off to another place – and so am I - I just don't know where that is yet.

And Hunter says, “but of course you’ll keep me, right?”

“well, of course, why wouldn’t I”

“It’s just you and me now, Human, we have to take care of each other…”

 “Hunter, you are so smart…  Good boy!!”