One ....

Just a reflection………….

As I was eating dinner – alone – but with his jazz selections on Pandora in the background – this came to mind: ‘One is the Loneliest Number.’  Remember?  I looked it up: covered by Three Dog Night, but written by Harry Nilssen.  1969. The year I graduated from High School (yikes!)

It was not written about being alone due to a death – but that is how I hear it now– so look up the lyrics.  One, is indeed a lonely number.

Dinner was good – grilled a steak with onions, baked potato, a glass of Malbec and my ever-faithful companion at my side: my Hunter- Dude waiting for a scrap of something………However – it was alone. Again.

And I got to thinking…………….this was suggested to me, by – yes – that wise person.  That if I would not suggest to someone in the throes of mourning, that they ‘get on with it – deal with it – get over it – get on with your life, etc., etc., etc.,’  (and I would never say those things to another human being), then why would I say them to myself? Why would I hold myself to a different standard? 

Good frickin’ question……………..

As a pastor, social worker, mental health counselor, I always attempted to meet the person where they were – and not impose any ‘should’s on them.  So why do I do that to myself?

Good frickin’ question……………..           Why indeed…….

It’s kinda like a preacher writing that sermon that she needs to hear…….

The hard part is the listening.

Today was a decent day, as days go. Errands run and accomplished, dog to the park, some yard work done, a nap, but still a lot of down time. What did we/I do before? I don’t know but it seems that the days were fuller - more robust - not empty or devoid of companionship - life filled.   And maybe that’s it – that’s what is missing.  Companionship.

Even for an introvert, other significant humans are necessary and even desirable ( well, some times!!). Friends and family are great – but they don’t live here.

I was also reminded that everything I do for the first year will be new – and I know that – I’ve even said it myself – but living it is another matter altogether.     And I don’t like it one bit.

Patience has never been my #1 virtue.

One is the loneliest number………… ( ok – I’ll do it for you. But you can also find it here or on YouTube)

http://www.metrolyrics.com/despacito-lyrics-luis-fonsi.html

One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do
Two can be as bad as one
It's the loneliest number since the number one

No is the saddest experience you'll ever know
Yes, it's the saddest experience you'll ever know
Because one is the loneliest number that you'll ever do
One is the loneliest number that you'll ever know

It's just no good anymore since you went away
Now I spend my time just making rhymes of yesterday

Because one is the loneliest number that you'll ever do
One is the loneliest number that you'll ever know
One is the loneliest number
One is the loneliest number
One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do

One is the loneliest number, much, much worse than two
One is the number divided by two
One
One is the loneliest number

But even harder than this is not shoulding on myself.

And the band played on……………..