A Chrysalis of Grief...............

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I replied to a comment made on another post from a woman whose husband had also died recently and unexpectedly (we have a friend in common, that’s how I knew).  And I said this, ‘…we will emerge someday from that chrysalis of grief and mourning – and while our wings will be wet – they will dry and we will be strong again….’ Now I have no idea where that even came from…it just popped into my head (of course, yes I know, the Holy Spirit/Lady Wisdom…) 

 And I’ve been thinking about that phrase ’chrysalis of grief and mourning’ for the last few days.

So I looked up the meaning of chrysalis – just to see.  And aside from the cocoon that the caterpillar wraps around herself in order to change clothes and emerge beautifully dressed was this: a preparatory or transitional state.

 Huh…………a preparatory or transitional state…. Well, mourning is transitional.  The hope, though, is that there will be movement from grief and all of its accompanying raw emotions and odd behaviors to acceptance and healing through mourning and then forward into a new way of being. 

Now having said that, it sure ain’t easy – but then I don’t imagine morphing from a caterpillar into a butterfly is either.  Just sayin’.

And so I guess it is also preparatory – or does this come first? Does grief and mourning prepare us for something? That’s like saying that it is all part of God’s plan or that God only gives us what we can handle or whatever……and as I’ve said before, I’m not buying that argument/theology/understanding of God… nope.

So maybe the two are intertwined, go together hand in glove. But maybe the mourning process does prepare us to be that different person from the one ‘before’.  And the mourning process is transitional as well.  Like the threshold of  door – a transition from one way of being to another – a transition from one place to another – a transition from one way of thinking, living to another.

Maybe even from one way of loving to another.

That’s not to say that one ‘gets over it.’  And this ‘thing’ that we are wrapped in – that I am wrapped in - sure isn’t cozy.  It’s not that warm comfy blanket that I pull out on chilly days.  It is not a feel-good sort of wrapping.  There are days when the wrap is cold and constricting and so thick I can barely move. There are days when I fight against the wrap of anger and fear and loneliness and too much solitude and not enough tears. 

And yet maybe there is a protective facet to it. It’s been suggested that maybe I‘m still somewhat numb – and that this time is sort of protective wrap to give me time to process all that has happened in the last 2+ months. I can't disagree with that .......

A chrysalis of grief – a protective wrapping - protection from the elements of a world that continues on in spite of our personal tragedy.  While we who mourn are stuck – I am stuck - in the time zone of THAT week, the rest of the world is not. 

 A chrysalis of grief and mourning - a preparatory wrapping to give us who mourn – me – a time to get ready to be someone new and different.

A chrysalis of grief and mourning - a transitional wrapping – a movement from one place, one way of being to another. 

A chrysalis of grief and mourning – maybe it is like that ‘thin place’ of Celtic spirituality where we come close to being in the presence of God… close to seeing the face of God………..maybe….

A chrysalis of grief and mourning – a wrapping that we – I  will shed, at least I hope so, and  I will emerge someday - and while my wings will be wet – they will dry and I will be strong again……

I can only hope.