He ‘passed away’ - what the hell does that mean? Passed to
where? From here to there? “From Here to
Eternity’? Where is there? ‘He passed by this way…’ on his way to someplace
else? Far away?
‘Passed away’… I know what we mean culturally when we say this
– he’s dead – died - gone – no longer
alive – buried - lost…, as in ‘I’m sorry
for your loss…’
He passed by on his way to someplace else – ok, so where it
that someplace else? An emotional/spiritual state of being? A physical state of
what? Dust?
And if he loved me – and he did – why would he pass this way
on his way to someplace else?
I know – death is a part of life – I get it. Maybe and
sometimes. But not now. I think
sometimes that too much education is not a good thing – it is not always
helpful... In my head I know the psychology – I studied it after all and worked
in the mental health field for quite a while. So, I know it in my head. But I can’t always live in my head – I think
I need to live in my heart – but am I just ‘shoulding’ on myself?
Sometimes sisters are wise – and she said to me,’ there is no
guidebook, (maybe there should be)….no rules, no one to tell you what ‘should
happen or when….’ Just be. Ok.. be what?
So is ‘passing away’ like walking under a ferocious
waterfall? Think Niagara Falls –
Victoria Falls – thundering water, billowing clouds of vapor and water, fierce,
overwhelming and overpowering, breath taking in it’s beauty and majesty. I, we,
have been to both – and there is no way that you could walk through the water
fall, where the sound and fury are at it’s most high…. I think it would kill
you.
 |
| Victoria Falls, Zimbabwe, September 2016, at the height of a drought |
And he passed through – except he didn’t make it to the other
side alive….
Is that what death is? A pass through? like those dining
room/kitchen arrangements, where there is a pass through for the food?? I think
it was a 50’s thing…(I think there was one on the set of the ‘Dick VanDyke Show’)
I am rereading ‘The Shack’ – a book of truths (and there are many), not facts, it is a work of
fiction after all. The character that is the Holy Spirit talks about relationship
– ours with Jesus/ Holy Spirit/ God and each other as a verb – an action, a ‘doing’,
relational, moving, flowing, not static. She talks about nouns as static, staid,
not moving. Not alive – and so does that mean my relationship with Glenn, our marriage
is now a noun and not a verb?
I’ m guessing…something no longer alive? But dead? Like he is?
No longer active and alive? But what about what is in my heart? Is that dead too?
Are memories dead? I don’t think so – to both questions…
But I wonder. And I wonder a lot – 58 days of wonder and bewilderment…
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