Not today

Today started out pretty much ok – a visit from friends, the fence company on its way to install a fence for the pups, so they would have a safe space to play,  making a dish to pass for a gathering tomorrow.  So far so good.  I even made a meal for myself - food that Glenn would never eat, and I would only make when he wasn’t home… but times they are a-changin’.

And so as I eat I’m watching the news – nothing new there – we used to do this too.

But then something happened, and I’m not sure what. It hit me that this is the way it will be from now on… usually eating alone  ( ok, I’ve done this before, no biggy…) but not every night…

Even as a single 20 something – not every night…

So what happened?

I was introduced to a new word the other day – vulnerable.  Of course I know that this means – but it has never been part of my vocabulary when I think about  who or what I am… never vulnerable - not me…. I’m strong- independent- tough broad…feisty… tell it like it is and get over yourself already.

But not today – vulnerable – and I don’t like it one bit.

But there is not a damned thing I can do about it – at least not today.

 Not now.

Maybe tomorrow.

But not now.

Babies are vulnerable – young animals of all kinds – baby robins in the nest – of course- illness makes you vulnerable – aging makes you vulnerable – being at someone’s mercy makes you vulnerable.

And maybe that is where I am – at God’s mercy – and so - vulnerable.  As a woman of faith I should be ok with this – we are all vulnerable before God – but I’m not – not today.

And so I let those waves wash over me because there is nothing else I can do.

Vulnerable – another word to add to who I am.