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| Our wedding candle, Sept. 16, 1978 |
I’ve been trying to forget what today is… but I can’t. I’m no longer marking the days on the
calendar - and so I don’t know exactly
how many days it has been since THAT DAY. But 3 months and counting.
And yet try as I might, this day keeps rearing is
nostalgic head. And after 38 years of
celebrating, what should I expect?
We would have been married 39 years today. Just that statement says a lot. And buried within it – a cave full of
emotions that I can’t even begin to name.
Are their regrets? Of course.
But in the big scheme of things – 4 decades worth if I count the ‘dating’
years - it was a good run – and Glenn would have agreed – in fact he often said
so. We made it work -both of us – together. Overcoming the difficult and the
awful – and celebrating the good and joyful.
So what do I do with this? I guess just remember, count my
blessings because some don’t get this far.
And two shall become one – is now one again. Remember? Marriage ends in either divorce – or
death. It is inevitable. But I feel like
half – not half a person – but half a couple - like my right arm is gone/not functioning,
as if it were broken. Living alone now is
like buttoning my shirt with my left hand – awkward. Can I do it? Sure, but it takes twice as long…
Will I adjust? Get used to it? I suppose. Do I have a choice? Well, yes I do… but I also
remember our long conversations, the ‘what if’ conversations, the ‘what will you do
when I am gone…’ conversations.
And so the best I can do is honor those long talks. And yet at the same time I remember with both sadness and joy the
life we had together… and try to have the life he would have wanted for me.
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