Sitting with my coffee this morning, this is what hit me as I was reading about today’s 16^th anniversary of 9/11:

My sister died in September 29 years ago

My sister in law died in September 16 years ago

My Uncle died in September 15 years ago

Rocky, my dog died in September 1 year ago

And tomorrow will mark 3 months that Glenn has been gone.

Another family member died 2 months ago

We would have celebrated 39 years of marriage this month

And yet – this time last year we were in South Africa on one of the best trips we had ever taken -  celebrating 38 years of marriage on Safari… it doesn’t get better than that…

No wonder I feel out of kilter….

And yet, I know that there are millions who have experienced much more devastation and loss than that.  I have my house and all of my ‘stuff’, I have my health, I have family, I am not going hungry (far from it!), I have friends that I can rely on. I have my pups. I really do have a lot to be thankful for – and I am – and yet…

The sadness overwhelmed me this morning.  In fact, I almost cancelled my flying lesson – not sure if I could concentrate enough ( and yes, that is a requirement for staying aloft..... ) – I almost got back under the covers never to be seen again…

But I didn’t. I guess I figured that if I gave up now, I’d just set the stage for more of the same – and nothing would be accomplished…. The sadness will never go away – it will always be a part of me and I must accept that. 3 months of being alone means he really will never walk through the door again. It’s not just a bad dream. This is the reality of my life now – and for many days to come.

free google image  - yup that's me!! 

They say that the mourning process will begin in its own time – and I think it is finally hitting home.  I’ve shed a lot of tears this month – but at least I can breathe – so I guess that’s progress.  It is, right?

It is now evening – and the air is a pinkish golden color – not a bit of wind- perfectly still are the trees… I heard a plane fly overhead a while ago – like the one I was in this morning… small like a bird… amazing that the air will hold it aloft…...the pups are quiet for a change – no more chasing squirrels ‘cuz they are hunkerin’ down for the night…

 And so I relax, it’s been a long day. Memories of days and years  past, emotions running a muck, the challenge of a new thing, trying to learn something totally foreign to normal human existence (flying!, really??)

Can the human heart handle all of this? Well, I guess it must, because we do – all of us – we do – every day and then some.