466

Do we ever think, when we/you are first getting married,  or in partnership, or committed relationship, or however you define your relationship, what this will really mean? Of course not – love is in the air – and everywhere – and you look onto into another eyes.  The longing for the physical, the intimacy of touch and just being together – conversation, dreams and hopes – you know what I’m talking about – most of you anyway.

But then reality sets in – the bills, the day-to-day experiences of living together – you get mad – he gets frustrated – you yell or remain silent. It happens -  we’re human after all – not perfect.

And so it is.

But then something happens – a tragedy – a major disappointment – the death of a mutual loved one…. it happens – we are human after all… and it brings you together again.

I always tell new couples getting ready to be married that marriage is about having each other’s back – it is not about living face to face.  That’s fine for the bedroom – but not the reality of life together.  If you don’t have his/her back – who will?  It’s about being partners – together in this journey we call life, living daily back to back and side by side. None of us can do it alone, at least not very well. We all need someone. (cue in Barbara Streisand!)

Were there times when I wasn’t there for him? I’m sure… and visa versa…. But in the big picture – the long run, he was and so was I. We are human after all…

I think marriage is like flipping pancakes  - it’s all perfect and bubbly on Monday – but burnt to a crisp on Friday…  but we slog thru it and with enough (real) maple syrup (and yes that means love), we muddle  our way through.

On the 16^th of each month we celebrated our month-a-versary.  Today would have been 466 months together (you can do the math!) – 466 of months of marital bliss (well, at least most of the time!!!??).  And yes – we gave each other a card – or at the very least a kiss and a  verbal – ‘hey – happy month-a- versary, I love you…!......and we did – and I still do….

’

Is it God’s will that he died?  I don’t believe that. We live in a broken world and unexpected, too soon death happens - to many of us. But as M. Craig Barnes so eloquently put it in his article in the Christian Century, all marriages will end ….. either death or divorce.

Figure out for yourself which is the ‘better’ ending………….