roiling and rolling, turbulent and angry

Rock River at Dixon, 7-24-17

 He and I used to do this often – walk along the river, hand in hand usually, on one side or the other – just to revel in the beauty and serenity.  We’d drive to the river after dinner – or maybe even get a hot dog and eat along the bank, just to be, together. Or maybe we’d go get a glass of wine before going home – or stop in the bookstore - or get an ice cream - just because.

But as I walked along the river tonight - albeit without the serenity -  and watched the river well over its banks – roiling and rolling and turbulent and angry – it matched my feelings on this night. This night after having come home from yet another family funeral – another many families devastated, saddened, grieving, mournful, by the death of a loved one.

Even the pelicans were off in a calm corner of the river -  it was too much for them  – even the fish were jumping out of it for a moments respite from the crashing water.. . but after 40 days and 40 nights of rain what would you expect(LOL)??

And I cried – at least I didn’t lose it there – but now?

And I can add to the list of things WE will never do again -  1) we would never walk this way again and 2) you know those memorial bricks along the walkway? ( It’s a Dixon thing!) Well it’s too late now for US to do this, we never did make that simple phone call to find out how to buy one  – I might someday - but not as us.

And so, on this night anyway, feelings and emotions roiling, rolling, turbulent, angry. 

And just like the overflowing river – not a damned thing I can do about it.