I’m
sure you’ve seen them… photos of a very aged couple, hair beyond gray, veined and knobby hands, in separate beds,
holding hands and drifting off to never never land together – or at least
within minutes… may be hours, but soon enough.
And
it does happen… he died first – he’d been sick for awhile, she died 6 weeks
later. It rocked the congregation – but as many said -she died of a broken
heart. It happened with my first 2 dogs
as well. Blackie died of cancer,
Sherlock – a broken heart 6 weeks later.
A
recent article in Christian Century brought this all home…(Joyce Ann Mercer,
July 5, 2017). And while she talked about the physical, the limitations of
older bodies and the dependence versus interdependence that is a struggle with
older adults, her writings about the elderly got me to thinking…
I
will never know what it is like to spend time in matching rocking chairs
enjoying the day, holding hands. I will
never know the delight of seeing my sweetie at breakfast or feel his breath on
my face with that morning kiss. I will never hold his hand again, because he
insisted, no matter what (he was the romantic, the sentimental one).
I will never again feel the almost mundaneness
of that nightly kiss- no matter what. I will never again know the joy and/or frustration
of whatever he did or didn’t do.
Of
course I can remember, but it’s not the same... it’s 36 days out and I can’t
remember the sound of his voice …
Never
again will I have to answer his question –‘yes, dear, it matches…’ yes, dear, you can wear that together..’ or ‘yes, dear, those
are blue socks…’.
Never
again will I say …’yes, I’ll be home in time for dinner… what do you want to
eat?’
Never
again will he take me out to dinner, or buy me a hot dog to eat at the river…
Never
again will he say – ‘so what do you want to do today?
Never
again…
Never
again…
Never.
Again.
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