Identity

'They' say gender identity is fluid – so I’m thinking identity in general is fluid.  We start out as a child – boy or girl or somewhere in between.  Then maybe a sibling is born and now you are a brother or sister – and then maybe there are cousins.  Then maybe, probably, you make friends - the kid down the street -at school – and maybe you get to keep them for a long while.

And then maybe you have a boyfriend or girlfriend – a romantic relationship - and then maybe you get married – so now you are a spouse, a partner.  And then maybe you have a child – so now you are a parent.  And then maybe a grandparent – or an aunt or uncle.  And somewhere along the way you also became an employee – maybe an important one., maybe even a boss or supervisor.

Each one of these additions to our lives  changes who we are – our daily experiences change who we are.  We are never the same today that we were yesterday…

And then things start to change  - again.  Maybe it starts with one or both parents – they die – because that’s what happens in old age – in life.  Maybe they had a long life, maybe not, but either way, now you are an orphan.   Grandparents die, sometimes children do to.  And as you get older, friends start to pass away – and before you know it your spouse, partner, friend takes his or her last breath – and now you are alone. 

The subtractions change us as well.

And so now I am someone different than I was a month ago. And so I wonder - Who am I now?  There is a new word to describe me - widow - but what does that really mean? How does one live into this new description  that wasn’t asked for, not anticipated, at least not yet, I’m way too young for this..

And so I wonder - who am I now? And how do I even begin to figure this out?